it's just progress
by Akar
Summary: It was that car crash, Kagari felt, that changed everything.


**Disclaimer: **I don't own Black Rock Shooter.

I feel like I'm spamming the BRS section with stories...ahah.

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><p>Kagari divided her life in two. One half was the good half, the better half - it was the half before the car accident, the half when Yomi and Kagari were the best of friends, the half where Kagari was, she suspected, a better person. The other half was life after - the hazy present where Yomi is distant and Kagari desperate, the now that Kagari did not want.<p>

In the past, Kagari had been happier. She remembered, vaguely, being a cheerful, if somewhat bratty, child. She looked up to Yomi greatly - idolized her, even. To Kagari, Yomi was the epitome of accomplishment. She was mature and sensitive, she was kind, thoughtful, and soft-spoken. Yomi was the kind of girl adults liked - the kind of girl grown-ups would smile at, pat her head, be proud of. Her grades were exemplary and at a young age Yomi was already displaying a clear talent for art that Kagari knew would take her far in the future.

Kagari, on the other hand, was the kind of child who was raised to be seen. Her parents, wealthy, were the type who were all too happy to pamper their daughter, and thus Kagari grew up in a household where she had whatever she wanted. Her toys were made from the finest materials, her sweets were bought from the finest sweetshops in Japan, and her dolls were all expensive, well-made ones, though Kagari's favorite was a blue-eyed one she named Mary. She carried it around with her nearly everywhere she went.

The two of them - Kagari and Yomi - made a bit of an odd pair. In fact, one wouldn't think they had much in common at all, other than being from upper class families. However, they got along. They more than got along - they were best friends. Their relationship was one that Kagari prized above all. It was special. It was theirs. It was a special bond that would endure forever. The two of them would be old ladies and still be best friends on their rocking chairs.

That was what Kagari thought, at least.

"I'll be moving to Germany for a few years," Yomi told her one day.

Kagari, who had been playing with her dolls before, stopped at that. Her hands froze, became difficult to move. For a moment, Kagari thought she had heard incorrectly. Yomi? Move to Germany? Ridiculous. Why would she do that? Why would she leave her? They were best friends. Yomi can't leave. It was some kind of joke - a bad joke, but a joke nonetheless. That's all.

Kagari laughed, weakly. "That's...that's funny, Yomi," she said.

Yomi only stared at her, green eyes solemn behind her glasses, and with a sinking feeling Kagari realized that Yomi wasn't joking, had never been the joking type, and that oh God she was really going to leave, she was really going to _Germany_, of all places - Germany, so far, and _why_?

"You're," said Kagari, and stopped, her throat closing up on her. She took a breath, tried again. "You're really gonna-"

"My dad needs to go," said Yomi, quietly. "For work." She wasn't looking at Kagari anymore - she was looking at the ground.

It felt as though Kagari was sinking. She was going to lose Yomi. She was going to lose her best friend because of something _stupid_, something grown up and dumb and so, so, so _stupid _Kagari wanted to scream. It wasn't fair. They were supposed to be together forever. Yomi leaving for Germany was not in The Plan.

Kagari found herself speechless. Her mouth was open, but nothing came out. She was suddenly aware of the fact that she was holding onto the arm of her doll tightly, too tightly. Kagari focused on that, that feeling. It was grounding, something to take hold of, something real.

Uncomfortable in the silence, Yomi was talking once more. "I...I'm sorry, Kagari," she said. "We'll still be friends...we can write, and call each other, and send letters. It won't be so bad."

Kagari said nothing.

"Look...Kagari," said Yomi, reaching out and placing a hand on Kagari's motionless shoulder. "We're...we're best friends. We'll still be best friends no matter what. Even if I go to Germany, that doesn't have to change anything."

Yomi was so mature, Kagari thought, sadly. She was in a place Kagari couldn't reach, a place she couldn't catch up to. Yomi looked honestly worried now, and Kagari decided to speak, to stop being silent. "I'm just scared."

Yomi smiled, reassuringly. "Don't be scared. We'll stay best friends."

"Promise?" asked Kagari.

Yomi nodded. "I promise."

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><p>As it turned out, Yomi was leaving in two weeks. Desperate to get every last second of Yomi's company, Kagari spent more and more time over at Yomi's house, eventually practically sleeping over there every day.<p>

Kagari liked sleeping with Yomi - her bed was big enough to fit the two of them and Yomi was a peaceful, quiet bedmate. She didn't snore or kick or hog the bedsheets. She was considerate even in sleep, another mark of perfection in Kagari's eyes. Looking up at the high white ceiling of Yomi's room, listening to Yomi's quiet breathing, Kagari wished, in some childish, undefined way, that she could spend every night of her life like this.

But that was impossible. Yomi was leaving soon. Too soon. She would go to Germany and the big house across from Kagari's own would be empty. Then what would Kagari do? Life without Yomi was too lonely. She didn't have any other friends, other than her dolls, and they were a poor substitute for Yomi. Unbidden, hot tears sprang to Kagari's eyes and angrily she wiped them away with her arm, turned to look at her sleeping friend next to her.

"Yomi," Kagari whispered, but Yomi, sound sleeper she was, said nothing. Kagari looked at her for a few more seconds before slowly, timidly taking her hand. She squeezed it, once, before closing her eyes and going to sleep.

She slept uneasily. She slept uneasily every night, until the day Yomi had to leave.

Kagari watched, at first. She watched as the luggage was loaded into the black car first, Yomi's father and the chauffeur wheeling them out to the driveway and opening the trunk. Then she watched as the chauffeur and Yomi's father talked.

Then, Yomi and her mother came out of the house and Kagari's world stopped. Her breath caught as she watched Yomi walk down towards the car, beaming up at her mother, laughing cheerfully.

How could Yomi look so...happy? She was leaving. She was leaving to Germany. Most importantly, she was leaving _Kagari_. How could she smile like that? How could she laugh like that? Why? Why does she look so happy? Kagari didn't want to think it, but in the dark corner of her mind, where her bad thoughts went to skulk, she thought this:

_Maybe she just doesn't care._

As soon as that thought came up, however, Kagari immediately squished it back down. She couldn't think like that. No, she _can't _think that. It wasn't true. Yomi cared for her. They were best friends. It was natural for Yomi to be excited about going to a new country.

But it was too late - the thought had already placed its roots in Kagari's heart. Golden eyes watched as Yomi approached the car, tugging her little bag along with her. She handed it over to the chauffeur, who smiled at something Yomi said. Yomi had always been a charming child.

Kagari's hands had clenched into painful fists. Yomi was leaving. Yomi was leaving and _happy about it._It can't end like this. What was Kagari thinking? She had to stop Yomi leaving somehow. If Yomi left to go to Germany, she might meet new people -better people. She might make new friends...even a new best friend. Then where would Kagari be? Alone with her dolls, like before?

That couldn't happen. Before she knew it, Kagari was out and running out the door, hugging Mary tightly to her chest. She didn't even bother to change, or put on shoes - the only thing on her mind was stopping Yomi from leaving. She burst out into the sunlight. The asphalt, sun-warmed, was hot and uncomfortable on her feet. Kagari didn't care.

"Yomi!" Kagari screamed, but it was too late - the car door closed and the car was beginning to pull away from the sidewalk. Kagari couldn't even see Yomi anymore, just the back of the car pulling away from her. "Yomi, wait! Don't go!"

No matter how loudly she shouted, the car didn't stop. Kagari redoubled her efforts, running faster, feet slapping against asphalt, screaming Yomi's name. She slowed a little to catch her breath, and then she heard it - the sound of a horn honking loudly, piercing the previously silent morning. Kagari stopped and turned.

A car loomed before her. She could see the driver's face, a mask of panic. She could hear the screech of brakes, too late. She gasped, eyes widening.

The impact was tremendous. Kagari saw stars burst in her vision, felt, for a brief, breathless moment, weightless as she realized, slowly, that she was flying backwards from the impact.

Then, nothing.

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><p><strong>Author's Notes: <strong>Ever since the anime aired I wondered how Kagari became the way she is when we see her. People don't just become crazy like that, so I decided to write a story to explore this. This will probably be continued. Actually, I'm not sure if Yomi even left after the car crash - I think she did, because her mother mentioned that they lived abroad for a few years, but I can just as easily see Yomi staying behind to care for Kagari. Then again, her dad's career plans probably couldn't be changed just because of a car crash...looks like I'll have to watch the ep again.


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